The Bittersweet of life, and the beginnings of a new book

Notes from Alexis: The beginning of her book “Always Going” has come to her in short stories, soon to become a full book. I am proud of her, and truly love the book!

5/21/84

Dearest Lex,

I am writing to you today because this has been such a bittersweet day that I wanted to share it with you as I felt you would enjoy it so.

First I got another story this morning and if you plan to read all of the things I have written in the past two weeks, then plan to stay for a week for todays story is the fourteenth, plus two chapters for EAB. Can you believe it! Of course you can. That has always been my modus operandi. Why change now.

As it turns out about ten of them are my life stories, so I may complete them and let them stand alone or maybe they will become a book. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing them and I’m not displeased with them. Some have caused me to feel a little blue, a little melancholy just for the remembering. Some are funny and two are painful. That’s the sweet for the day.

Now for the bitter. I discovered something about myself I had not known. Remember I told you about saying I would face my judges. Another day in court! I find these confrontations with myself so difficult. I just don’t think I understood how painful it would be to face my failings – gall and wormwood. You know, it isn’t as if I believed I am perfect, it is that I assumed my faults would be of a benign character.I certainly look back with rue on my pronouncement that I would just face my accusers and admit my guilt. I never dreamed I would be my own accuser or that I would so hate the evidence, or that I would truly have no defense. My crime? Well, it is a character defect, just a flaw and it takes a dab more explaining than is possible but I will inundate you when you come down.

A sweet: Your card came to cheer me.
A bitter: A rejection of one of my stories.
A sweet: Last October I went to a genealogy seminar and paid R.B. $40 for his book. Just this morning I thought, “I am never going to get the book or the money back. I can kiss that forty bucks goodbye. Went to post office and there it was, and it is a jewel and worth every penny.

The weather was bitter when I got up–cold and overcast. It has now turned sweet—-sunny and warm.

I think I will bake myself some carob cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I have never done that before – baked myself a birthday cake. Of course it is because I have never given it a thought. I’ve never wanted cakes and gifts or birthday parties. I had one though, a party, for my fourteenth birthday and it was all that a party could or should be. I actually had kids come with presents, that I hadn’t even invited. They said they knew I meant to invite them and just forgot. It was just the opposite of most of our fears. We always think we’ll throw a party and nobody will come.

Please, please don’t forget the pens. I am running desperately short. If I run out will I be able to write? Well, believe it or not I have been able to write under all kinds of circumstances that I believed impossible. I thought I couldn’t write on the weekend, with the stereo on, in the afternoon, when I was tired, etc. I have proved all those wrong, but I sincerely believe that those pens help.

Well, I guess that’s about all I know,

Love,
MOM

P.S. Another sweet or two: I thought up another story this afternoon and it was humorous, so it tickled my funny bone. I really did make the cupcakes and they turned out great. Dad got me a birthday present and couldn’t wait until tomorrow, and it was a big new Rand McNally Atlas like the big green one, and I was so thrilled. Now if I can only find one put out after the 1940 census I will have one for 1940, 1960, and 1980. Keep your eyes out for a big 1940 Atlas for me, OK.

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